ATTENTION EVERYONE:
Is your life meaningless? Do nothing of great interest? Feel like killing the ice cream man? Then you need to follow THE FORMULA™!
THE FORMULA™ is a newly discovered system, allowing anyone - yes, even you - to be accepted in life and live long healthy lives. And all you need to do is follow some simple rules and traditions (the odd sacrificial human every now and then doesn't hurt either).
THE LAWS OF THE FORMULA™:
LAW I - Thou shalt not question the Elmo Cake.
LAW II - Thou shalt not engage in the act of singing"Miss Polly Had a Dolly" during thy dentist appointment.
LAW III - Thou shalt not brag about thy pet's fetching skills.
LAW IV -Thou shalt be alert to invasions from the Irish.
LAW V - Thou shalt not trust any man with a claw for an eye.
LAW VI -Thou shalt not write or engrave the name of THE FORMULA™ without the obligatory™ sign.
LAW VII -Thou shalt not woship any other than Elmo.
LAW VIII -LAW-EIGHT-LAW-EIGHT-LAW-EIGHT-LAW-EIGHT
LAW IX -Thou shalt understand Law VIII, under penalty of death.
LAW X - Jesus Christ was born here.
LAW XI - Anyone commenting on resemblances between these laws and the Ten Commandments will be fed to Elmo.
LAW I - Thou shalt not question the Elmo Cake.
LAW II - Thou shalt not engage in the act of singing"Miss Polly Had a Dolly" during thy dentist appointment.
LAW III - Thou shalt not brag about thy pet's fetching skills.
LAW IV -Thou shalt be alert to invasions from the Irish.
LAW V - Thou shalt not trust any man with a claw for an eye.
LAW VI -Thou shalt not write or engrave the name of THE FORMULA™ without the obligatory™ sign.
LAW VII -Thou shalt not woship any other than Elmo.
LAW VIII -LAW-EIGHT-LAW-EIGHT-LAW-EIGHT-LAW-EIGHT
LAW IX -Thou shalt understand Law VIII, under penalty of death.
LAW X - Jesus Christ was born here.
LAW XI - Anyone commenting on resemblances between these laws and the Ten Commandments will be fed to Elmo.
Don't you feel better already? Please send your money in a stamped, self-addressed envelope to 23 Bon Street, Alexandra, Victoria 3714. All donations will go towards... something beneficial for you. Trust me.
*runs off*
Side Note:
Anyone who attempts to follow the laws without completing the crucial step of sending me money will have their name and address, along with a list of illegal drugs that (we think) you are in possesion of, to the FBI. Thank you.
*runs off*
Side Note:
Anyone who attempts to follow the laws without completing the crucial step of sending me money will have their name and address, along with a list of illegal drugs that (we think) you are in possesion of, to the FBI. Thank you.
